I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
