fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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