I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She said her name was "party"
time to smoke my breakfast
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
