the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
