Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
