Betty ford says i'm here all night
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
