I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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