Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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