i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
