Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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