I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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