Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
