You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
