i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
