I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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