he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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