just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
