There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
