Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
