i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
