weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
