Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
two words: eviction party
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
