I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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