Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
