I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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