dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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