I wanna passion pit in your ass
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
