I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
