all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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