Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
