All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
