States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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