You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
