If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
