I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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