the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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