he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
