I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
