My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
