the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You are the jesus of drinking
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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