better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
