I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's official drugs can't kill me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
