During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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