& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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