Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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