I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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