i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
should my penis look like a turkey
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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