READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
