I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
