you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
