Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
It's official drugs can't kill me
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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