Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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