this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
