This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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