The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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