How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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