the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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