C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
