what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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